All about lubricant for older adults and seniors

Lubricants. Especially as we get older, we should all be using lube with every kind of sexual contact: partner sex, solo sex, toy play, and any other kind of sex I might not have mentioned yet. Lube brings pleasure back into sex. But don’t rush to the drugstore to grab the most common brands – there’s a new world of lubricants that are safer and healthier for aging genitals. This guide helps you make the right choice to increase your sexual pleasure and prevent discomfort.

Why do we need lubricant as we get older?

Female bodies

Our genital tissues get thinner as we age because of a decrease in estrogen. This makes us more sensitive to discomfort and dryness during sex. The soothing wetness we used to feel when we were aroused slows down or even stops, and penetration during partner sex or when using sex toys can become painful. Even touching the clitoris can feel uncomfortable when we’re dry. It’s a cruel trick of nature that just when we need more moisture and slipperiness for comfort and pleasure, our bodies produce less natural lubrication. Lube provides the wetness you’re missing, making any kind of external or internal touch or rubbing more enjoyable.

Male bodies

Whether your penis is hard, soft or somewhere in between, lube increases the pleasure of stimulation for both solo and partner sex. Now that you often need longer stimulation, it helps you get there more comfortably. Don’t wait until penetration to apply lube – it improves the experience from the very start.

All bodies For anal penetration, lubricant is a must. The rectum does not lubricate itself, and it never has. Use plenty of lube.

How do you choose the right lubricant?

You might think that anything that feels slippery works fine as a lubricant, whether you find it at the drugstore or in your kitchen. Not so. Different categories of lubricants are better or worse for different purposes – which may mean you need more than one type. You can also read the article “The best lubricant for optimal pleasure”.

The ABC of lubricant types as you get older

Silicone-based lubricant

Silicone lubricants are best for sensitive genitals and are recommended for penetrative sex (including anal play); they’re compatible with condoms. Silicone lubes last longer than water-based ones. Don’t use silicone lube with silicone sex toys.

Water-based lubricant

Water-based lubricants are compatible with latex condoms and all sex toys, but they dry out relatively quickly. Water-based lube carries the highest risk of irritation. Many lubes contain ingredients that can irritate the vulva and vagina, worsen pelvic pain, damage the cells of the vagina and rectum, and lead to infections.

Hybrid lubricant

Hybrid lubes are a mix of water and silicone. They’re safe to use with condoms and usually also compatible with silicone sex toys. Hybrid lubricants last longer than regular water-based lubes and keep working for longer. Choose a hybrid lube that doesn’t contain the harmful ingredients listed under “Avoid these ingredients” below.

Plant-based oils as lubricant

Cooking oils and other plant-based oils are not recommended for vaginal lubrication, especially if you’re prone to bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections. They speed up bacterial growth in the vagina and don’t rinse out easily. Unrefined coconut oil may be the exception – many people say they like it without negative effects. Don’t use coconut oil or other food oils with condoms or other latex or polyisoprene barriers – oils cause them to break.

Petroleum jelly as lubricant

Petroleum-based products such as mineral oil or petroleum jelly should never be used internally because they irritate the vagina and rectum, promote bacterial growth that can lead to infections, and don’t leave the body easily. They are suitable for external use during male masturbation. Do not use with condoms or other latex products.

In short: silicone lube is best for sensitive genitals during partner sex with or without a condom, and during solo sex, but not if you’re using a silicone sex toy. Coconut oil works well with silicone toys, but not with condoms. Water-based lube is good for silicone toys and condoms, but you do need to make sure it passes the ingredient test.

An overview of which lubes do and don’t work for which use

Learn which ingredients to avoid (see below) and read the ingredients list of every lube you buy.

Buy from local or online retailers of sexuality products who focus on education and body-safe ingredients, have a reputation for educating their customers, and only sell products they stand behind. See the recommended retailers in the right column of my blog for suggestions.

Explore different lubes by buying samples so you can find out which ones work best for you. Here are some sources for sample packs:

1. Lucky Bloke

2. A Woman's Touch Sexuality Resource Center 

3. The Smitten Kitten

4. Ellen Barnard, co-owner of A Woman's Touch, says that older women benefit from keeping two different types of lube on hand: a moisturizing lubricant to keep the vulva and vagina healthy and lightly hydrated, such as Sliquid Organics Silk and Liquid Assets. Use daily as needed for comfort – with or without sex.

A sealing lubricant, usually made from medical-grade silicone – Pjur Cream is one example – to lock in moisture and protect the skin from friction tears during penetrative sex.

Ideally avoid these ingredients in lubricants

Lubes are great, but some are made with ingredients that are bad for you, especially if you have sensitive skin, pelvic pain, or are prone to urinary tract or vaginal infections. Read the ingredients and avoid the ones below as much as possible:

• Glycerin
• Propylene glycol
• Chlorhexidine gluconate
• Polyquaternium-15
• Parabens
• Mineral oil
• Petrolatum (petroleum jelly)

“The more often people use a drugstore-brand lubricant, the more side effects they notice, such as itching, burning, stickiness, or delayed symptoms like more bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections,” says Mueller. “That’s because many drugstore-brand lubes contain ingredients that damage the mucous membranes of the vulva, vagina and rectum. Depending on the formulation, some products can negatively affect vaginal pH, kill the healthy bacteria in the vagina or cause the outer skin layer of the mucous membrane to die and slough off, making the body more vulnerable to all kinds of infections.”

Good ingredients in lubricants as you get older

Barnard recommends choosing lubricants with one or more of these ingredients (she advises testing a lube on the inside of your arm first if you’re sensitive):

• Aloe vera, which is moisturizing – but if you’re allergic to onions or garlic, avoid aloe vera.
• Hyaluronic acid, a hydrating ingredient, though not very slippery.
• Plant cellulose (also called hydroxyethylcellulose or cellulose polymer), which makes lubes slick and moisturizing and gives them more body.
• Vitamin E, a good skin conditioner, but too waxy to use as a lubricant on its own.
• Dimethicone or dimethiconol, good sealants that help lock in moisture and protect against tears.

“Finding the right lubricant is like finding the right partner,” says Mueller. “It makes every sexual activity better, safer and more pleasurable, and it’s a very subjective, personal choice.

Once you’ve found your favorite lube, keep it within easy reach and use it with pleasure! Apply lube slowly and erotically so it becomes part of your sex play. Lubes are sexy! After all, their whole purpose is to increase your sexual pleasure.